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About emacaulay

pastor at Christ United Methodist Church in Rochester, MN

pilgrimage

A new year dawns.

My beloved has left on a jet plane. He is Hawaii bound. He will join his two older sisters for a sacred time of sharing breath and paying homage to the odd and powerful mystery of kinship.

Cooper’s eldest sister is dying. There have been years of silence and wrangle and now, now the time for transcending hurt has come.

It seems fitting, somehow. In the midst of paradise three people of soul and story will open themselves to the ache of the old and the invitation of the new and their vulnerable courage will free them each.

We are called to such freedom. The compassionate heart of the Christ calls us to such freedom.

A new year dawns.

We are the vulnerable and courageous and life is so very short.

May the time of transcending hurt come to us each.

so much

Gratitude takes up space.

Gratitude swells and transforms and it is alive alive.

The kindnesses of my life sprung from the heart of human grace are tender mercy. Love lives in my home and it visits in the form of children who share life and laughter as well as questions and ache. The tender goodness of thick coffee and attentive hearts are ground for the stretch into the unknown of each day.

The artistry of the Holy pounds in the power of the Great Lake outside my window and it spangles in the still of night and the need to stop and pay homage lives in every “thank you” breathed on every day. Two bald eagles dipped blessing over our heads yesterday. Two.

Where is the space for so much gratitude?

Dread and Water

Exodus 1: 8 – 2:10
Dread and Water
Rev. Elizabeth Macaulay
Christ UMC
August 24, 2014

I enjoyed a great week of vacation.

My husband Cooper and I camped for two nights and then spent days on end in the company of my children at our cabin. And, we celebrated my birthday, which, according to Cooper is not birth day but a birth month.

Throughout my time away I felt such gratitude for so much.

And I felt such deep pain because a town in Missouri – Ferguson by name – was calling to us as a nation to drop the blinders we have put on. Blinders worn by those of us who walk this earth in skin the color of cauliflower.

I’m talking about racism.

I have ached these past weeks- haven’t you – as those who wanted to cry out against oppression were shot at and muffled and demonized and oh, let us hear this Exodus scripture story of our faith with Ferguson in our hearts.

The Exodus text and our lives must talk to each other.

Because we are sprung, we Jesus followers, our very Genesis as a people of God, is sprung from the same kind of reality and outrage voiced in Ferguson.

Before I read the text it is important to know that our faith ancestors, the Hebrew People, were the victims of incredible oppression. They were powerless. They were slaves in Egypt and they were considered less than human and their value lay in their ability to make Pharaoh and the others in power rich.

The Egyptians used the Hebrew people as slaves. And as the slaves continued to have families, the Egyptians came to dread the slaves.

Those the Egyptians oppressed they also feared. So they sought to contain the Hebrew people through genocide.

Those tasked with helping bring healthy children through a safe birth were told to murder boy children.

But they would not collude with power. The Hebrew midwives would not go along.

So the child who would come to be called Moses was born.

And his mother knew that his racial and ethnic identity made the world unsafe for him.

Can you hear the echoes?

The mother of a precious son had to send him off in a boat on the river and pray that he would be found and be safe in a world made dangerous by dread.

(Read Exodus 1: 8 – 2:10)

Can you imagine a world in which your children’s safety is threatened because of the color of their skin?

Can you imagine knowing that the very existence of your child is somehow a threat to those in power – that your child provokes dread – and so you savor the time you have with him and then, when you can no longer risk having him in your home, you create a boat and give him over to the river?

Praying that someone might find him and shelter him? The Mother of Moses knew that wrench.

And, mothers and fathers in the United States of America know that fear. People of color who love their children know that they are less safe than children whose skin is white.

This is statistically so. I don’t want to believe it is so. I suspect you do not want to believe it is so.

But my brothers and sisters – we who are faith descendants of the oppressed Hebrew People – we must be willing to name the fact that Ferguson has compelled us to once again see.

Racism is real and it is deadly. For Egyptians and Hebrews. For whites and people of other colors. For those in Missouri and those in Rochester.

Racism is real.

A must-read book for us all is a book called “The New Jim Crow” by Michelle Alexander. Really. Read the book. If you want to talk about it, let’s get a group together to do that.

Alexander looks at how it is mass incarceration of people of color is today’s iteration of Pharaoh’s abuse of power.

I share some statistics not to slam police officers who are working heroically on our behalf. Their jobs are so difficult and our compassion for them ought be strong. I share some statistics because they are real and must be shared:

According to a Council on Crime and Justice Institute on Race and Poverty report in
September 24, 2003:

In Minneapolis, Blacks were stopped 152% more often than expected and once stopped, subjected to discretionary searches 52% more often than expected. 11% of searches of Blacks produced contraband compared to 13% of searches of Whites.

If Minneapolis officers had stopped Blacks at the same rate as other drivers approximately 12,804 fewer Blacks would have been stopped in Minneapolis in 2002. If Blacks stopped in Minneapolis had been subjected to discretionary searches at the same rate as all stopped drivers, 1,053 fewer Blacks would have been searched.

African American people of color are profiled and they are incarcerated at a rate nearly six times that of whites. (The New Jim Crow)

The incidence of drug usage is much higher among people who are of European American descent, but a survey conducted in 1995 asking the following question:

“Would you close your eyes for a second, envision a drug user, and describe that person to me?” The startling results were published in the Journal of Alcohol and Drug Education. 95% of respondents pictured a black drug user, while only 5 percent imagined other racial groups.

These results contrast sharply with the reality of drug crime in America. African Americans constituted only 15% of current drug users in 1995 (the date of the survey), and they constitute roughly the same percentage today (in 2010 when the book was written). Whites constituted the vast majority of drug users then (and now), but almost no one pictured a white person when asked to imagine what a drug user looks like.” (The New Jim Crow, pg. 106)

What does this kind of racism look and feel like in the human hearts affected?

I ran across a piece written by a pastor, an man of Asian ancestry, who lives in Seattle. He shared conversation with a man about racism. He shared this story:

“Pastor Eugene, (he said), you speak of injustice and prejudice. Thank you for sharing your story. I wanted to also share my story with you. In fact I feel my “otherness” every single day. Every single day.

You see, I get on the Seattle Metro bus early on its transit up North as it makes its way South to downtown Seattle where I work. As you can assume, the bus gets eventually crowded. In fact, it gets packed. But when I get on the bus, I am always among the first ten passengers and each of us can choose where to sit. And yes, we all choose to sit… alone. But as the bus makes its way from stop to stop. I being to notice something. People are eager to find seats and every single day, every seat is taken…but nearly every single day,,, one seat remains… the last seat taken.

Can you guess what seat that is?

Yes, it is the seat next to me. It is the last seat taken. Nearly every single day.

Do you know why?

Do you know why?

Because I am a dark-skinned Black Man… and people believe I am dangerous.

This is how I begin my day.

Nearly every day.

This is my story.

(https://eugenecho.com/2013/remembering-trayvon-martin-the-singular-story-of-the-suspicious-black-man)

Dread kills.

And rivers save.

By rivers I mean the power of the the river that carried Moses and the power of the river that Jesus waded into for baptism and by river I mean the water that marked you and me as disciples of Jesus Christ and WE ARE WITNESSES to the insistence God places upon our hearts and lives that the legacy of our being as followers of Jesus is that we must hear the pain of our brothers and sisters and know it as our own.

It is our own.

So the pain of racism? As the descendants of the Hebrew people we will name it and begin to acknowledge its soul and life-killing power in order for us to create a world in which mothers and fathers don’t have to live in terror that Pharaoh’s dread will kill their babies.

We can do this work. God is with us in this work. We must be the midwives and the descendants of Moses.

And here is what that work looks like.

There was an article in the Rochester Post Bulletin about Katherine Switzer who is in town for the three-day Mayo Clinic Heathy Human Race Weekend.

Katherine Switzer was a runner before women were supposed to be doing such things. Marathon running was not open to women. She determined that she wanted to run the Boston Marathon. She just wanted to run. So she entered the race.

Two miles into the race she was attacked by a race official who was so incensed that she didn’t know her place in life. He tried to pull her off the course.

Switzer became very frightened and even more determined as she sought to get away from him.

What happened? Male runners moved in to form a protective curtain around Switzer, until the protesting trainer was finally wedged out of the way.

She finished the marathon. She made history. (Rochester Post Bulletin 8/23/14)

Because those who had privilege – the male runners – saw the injustice and worked together to create safety the world was forevermore changed.

And so it is for us each and all. We have so much privilege. Will we allow ourselves to hear the cry of the oppressed and will we know that the legacy of our faith compels us to know it as our own?

It’s our work, brothers and sisters in Christ.

It’s our work.

Amen

kin

I’ve had plenty of opportunity to think about kin these past months.

I left a church that had woven its heart into my own. We became Spirit kin and moving from them left me wobbly.

I arrived at a new place of making life, soul and ministry and have found kindreds who share hunger and thirst for hope and grace. We are making ourselves known to each other in the breaking of bread and the sharing of song and story. I preach and lead worship with pores open, seeking to hear their hearts and feel their questions. We are learning what it means to be kin.

My children by birth and by marriage have been surrounding their clergy parents with support and love and ground during this time of transition.

Cooper and I are learning a new town and new topography and a life without traffic jams and abundant concrete. The land here speaks in cadences of corn and curve.

We are listening to our lives.

On this day my children by birth are gathering at our cabin. They are celebrating a “sib fest”.

In their midst will be my eldest daughter’s dog. Chela came into Leah’s life in Denver after having roamed the streets. She has been Leah’s steadfast companion during times when her dog heart grounded my daughter in ways life saving. Sometimes I felt like Chela was my heart, able to companion and ground my daughter when I could not.

Said dog is very sick.

I pray body wisdom for my Pit-Bull granddog and heart ease for her mother.

And on this day my heart is sounding wonder about the vastness of love.

Love claims and and companions the making of life and it stretches hearts to the aching place.

We wobble, listen, weep and grow.

We are held by kin who walk on two legs and those who walk on four.

Blessed be.

george

168054_496999487150_3962038_n

It’s Father’s Day.

I miss my dad.

He wasn’t the kind of father that taught me how to fish or change a tire.

He was the kind of dad who taught me to love poetry and truth and justice and the delicious oddities found in the daily of life.

I am spending this Father’s Day at the cabin. It was his home for the second half of his life and as I go through this day I remember cups of coffee and conversations, the rising of cigarette smoke and the rumble of his voice. I remember the ways that he paid attention and asked questions that invited me to move deeper into my life.

It wasn’t always easy between us. I remember that too.

On this day what I remember is the powerful pull that is love. From him life was given. Through him life was learned.

And still it is so.

Still it is so.

engaged engaged!

leah and terin 2

My daughter is getting married.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

She who was born bright of eye and wise of soul has found a companion who shares the light and the deep of it all and this, this is momentous.

She will cleave to another. While it has been years since she last shared home with me her home will now be established around the nucleus of the heart they share and tend.

What courage it takes to love, to say “yes”, to open to learning life in the company of another.

They have that courage, do Leah and Terin.

We who love them will bask in the power of what it is they become in each other’s keeping. They are good together. The shine and ground of their love is blessing to creation.

And this mother, this mother is feeling the cellular surrender that began at Leah’s birth. It has long been such wonder to behold the world through her being.

Now I add another to my heart and apprentice myself to learning life through him and my daughter is getting married.

I who have died

Eleven years ago I moved to Minneapolis a newly divorced woman with three grieving children.

We were all nuts.

Somehow we lived, one day to the next. The eldest left for college. The two youngest endured finding their own new ways in a new place, as did their mother. Life was marked by train rides to see their dad and sometimes visits with the Chicago-dwelling eldest. We were careful around each other. We grieved. Oh, we grieved.

And we lived.

Friends were found and life made and gradually it became easier to breathe.

We lived:

Pick ups to and from college for three. A”bonus dad” and “bonus sibs” to acclimate to. More friends, explorations, band concerts, leaving and returning and growing awareness that the bond of love is a rare and precious thing.

Graduations from college and jobs won and left. Partners welcomed and woven into kin fabric. Hearts passionate about healing and justice and beauty and community and the splendor of the earth. Pastor’s kids adept with people and open to life.

And now the youngest graduates on Saturday. There for his walk will be his deepest and most tenacious fans: his mom and dad, his step-Coop, his sisters and their partners and on the next day a raucous cloud of witnesses present to mark the good of it all.

It will be the last big party at this house that has known many parties – some I knew about and many I did not. We will be together, we who have been so blessed to walk from a world saturated by grief into a world near too-full of gratitude.

I can’t speak it fully. e. e. cummings comes close:

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
e.e. cummings

We are alive.

I thank you God for most this amazing.

helter shelter

The anxiety is ramping in our lives and surely in my belly.

We have a signed purchase agreement on our home. All will be well and good pending a thorough inspection. Someone just spent five hours inspecting our 100-plus year old home.

Now we wait.

In Rochester, our realtor is fielding a counter-offer to the offer we made to buy a home. It was the first one we saw lo those many weeks ago, and it has lived and breathed with us since. We believe it is so very right.

Now we wait.

Oh but I am a crabby woman; thin of skin and jumpy-antsy because this thing called home is a morphing thing.

And in the midst of my crabby, I am chastened by awareness of my staggering privilege.

I have a larger-than-I-need home and I want to purchase same and what, oh what of all those who feel anxiety every day because they are assured of nothing in the way of home.

What of those who are children and teens and adults and elders who have no home?

Our church is working with an organization called Beacon in the metro area. Beacon is an interfaith housing initiative seeking to eradicate the all-consuming misery of soul and body that is homelessness. Through one of their programs called “Families Moving Forward” we will house four families at our church for a week.

It is a monumental undertaking. We are organizing to make sure that we have a welcoming space and food to offer and hospitality to bless but really, one of the most monumental things we privileged folk are undertaking is the willingness to face the reality that the families we welcome live without what we take for granted: home.

We have become willing to encounter our neighbors. We are a ministry outpost in the way of Jesus.

I know myself to be needful of perspective in these days.

I surely want to let go of the soul-roil engaged in fretting about the more-than-I-need.

Time is better spent in pondering what to serve our guests for breakfast on Saturday. Time is better spent thanking God for the volunteers who are committed to showing up. Time is better spent being open to what the Holy has for me to learn.

staged!

In this household books are sacred.

Both Cooper and I are inhalers of print. Books are friends and teachers and they mark the cycles and seasons of our lives. To say that we have many of them is an understatement.

In readying our house for sale we have taken many trips to the second hand book store. We get a mere pittance for them, but at least we know they will have another life. Many of our books have gone to the library at Richfield UMC. We have thinned and it is not a task for the faint of heart but we did it.

So when I came home yesterday to stacks and stacks of books on the floor I was flummoxed. We had a stager come in to ready our home for photo taking tomorrow.

She had assassinated our bookshelves!

I asked her how it was she determined which one or two survived to grace each shelf.

Her answer? She chose the ones that were prettiest and looked the best.

I knew it was time for me to leave.

So I did.

Wow. All those words, all that beauty, all the hours of grace shared were summarily consigned to boxes until we unpack them in Rochester.

And so it is. We are being staged. I recognize my house, but it feels that I have moved into the time of transition when assumed relationship with space and surroundings is no more.

There is gift in this. I notice the lovely ways the leaded glass in the dining room creates prisms. I thank the trees in my back yard for their cardinal-bearing ways. I wonder at the foolishness of waiting so long to do so much good work in order to pretty up our home.

I can forgive the stager. She wants our house to speak welcome.

So I’ll box the books and imagine that they will find welcome and a place to be.

Stagers bring lessons.

Don’t they?

snargle

I sat at table with a great bunch of folk on Saturday evening. We had just celebrated an intimate wedding together and were sharing the thin place of being witnesses to life change.

One of the women had just come from hearing the Dalai Lama speak here in Minneapolis.

She said that the gathered energy in the room was beautiful and the shine coming from the Dalai Lama was stunning.

She quoted one line that had caught the imagination and wisdom of her heart.

The Dalai Lama said that the quickest way to an early death is to meditate on pessimism.

It makes so much sense it doesn’t even feel like it needs saying.

The answer to the snargles that hold the soul of the world hostage are found in each of our choices made day after day.

Do we choose to focus on pessimism and record-of-wrong keeping, or do we choose to stoke the fires of compassion Jesus so sought for us to nurture?

We have power to make choices.

The couple who married chose the difficult path of growing soul with another.

We may choose to nurture the spark of the Holy that dwells within us each.

Pessimism kills. Compassion heals.

Choosing life matters.