alone

Cooper has been off with friends trying to find snow.  They drove to Michigan hoping for some cross-country skiing.

That leaves me.

He has made this time happen for the years of our marriage.  Truth be told, at first it felt a lot like the leaving me part of the equation was huge.  We won’t get into my inner psyche and discuss abandonment issues, but his sense of holy time away with the guys was large and so I countenanced it with a bit of grimace inside.

Through the years I have learned some things.

First, he is one smart man.  Bedeviled and stretched by the demands of serving a church and living with the quirks of blending families and his wife, he takes himself apart for some time with friends he has had since college.  They are good men.  They have lived life in each other’s company.  They are good for each other.  They laugh a lot and eat red meat.  Going on these ski trips, snow or no snow, is exquisitely important self-care.

Second, the “that leaves me” sentence has shifted.  When he goes, there is more time for me.  I am left to chart the rhythms of my days without cueing off someone else.  I am left to the quiet and the stillness of my own thoughts.  I make choices about time based upon what I want to do.  Books and walks and time alone are great gift.

I’m not “left” at all.  I’m in great company: my own.

I love my husband with a wondrous passion.

It is gift that he has the sense to take time apart.  Through it, I have found blessing.

Alone.

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