I forget. I flat-out forget.

I forget that I am a woman pastor and that somehow my gender combined with my role is offensive to some.

I forget.  And then I run into the barbed wire of suspicion or the distaste of those who are quite clear in their minds and expressed sentiments that I am abomination.

I will admit that it wounds, this sniffing around my being for the sure-to-be-found pollution lurking in my unseemly-vocationed self.  Barely hidden sneers, voiced longings for the “good old days” when pastors were men and a man could have a pastor, the boycotting of community based in some part upon the gender of the Lead Pastor; all are real and on good days they roll off the sure of my soul that speaks of God’s calling of me to this work.

But some days, I gets tired.  Some days, I ache for a world in which we are seen as the Christ first, and the dreaded other, second.  Some days I want to let fly my anger about being assumed upon.  Some days I want to weep, knowing that what I am living is a picnic compared to my sisters who have gone before.

And the waste of the power of the Holy is ongoing.

1 thought on “sniff

  1. It would be nice if all people would judge us by our inner qualities instead of what is expected we should be. There are a few who will never get our approval but more people will be accepting then we realize. Sometimes we let what a few people think – grow exponentially to include more people then actually are. And temporarily forget that a majority have no problem with who you are.

    Women pastors are still in the minority. So not only did previous pastors make it easier for you but you are making it easier for women pastors in the future.

    Obviously I can not speak for others. But I can not imagine that if there had been a man giving the sermon the first couple of times I attended I would still be going to RUMC. So you are reaching some people that others cannot.

    Sometimes we have a flicker of doubt if we are doing the right thing. But then realize that there are not any alternatives that would be as satisfying as the ones we have chosen.

    So stay strong as it is obvious to me that you are doing what you supposed to be doing.

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