what is

Well, I knew it would come to me during this three month renewal leave:  The itch to work.  It has me on this day when a long beloved program is coming to an end.  We are saying good-byes that have to hold us for two years and usually at such a time I pack my bags and land back in the midst of my role as pastor of a church.

But not this time.  Since I am on leave, I was able to tack on a few extra days of rest at the monastery.  The spaces no longer inhabited by my clergy sisters is huge and my default setting when things get empty feeling is to launch myself into work and doing but  not this time.  This time I have time to pay attention to the silence.  This time I have time to pay attention to what it feels like to be in this time.

I feel like a pressure cooker.  I have so many ideas and so much energy and I am feeling strongly the desire to be back at work.

But instead I’ll breathe deeply and give thanks and pay attention and stow away this yen for work for a time when I have an equally compelling yen for rest.

Balance is hard to find, maybe not possible, and probably not worth chasing after.  Instead I’ll pay attention to what is.

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